In my previous post here, I explained my absence. I've recently realized that I am an addict, and I realized that because I hit the bottom. If I hadn't; if circumstances had been different and I had been allowed to continue down that path, then I am certain that's where I would still be. I don't want to go back there anymore. I don't want to go back, but at the same time I miss it very much. It was as if I had a small corner of my life where I could run to when push came to shove and cope with the stress, the anxiety, and the rage. I don't have that anymore, and it's almost like trying to figure out how to walk again. Now that  I don't have the familiar methods of coping, I have to figure out a new way to live my life - one that doesn't involve self-destruction and dishonesty. That's a tall order for someone who has spent the past several years living a chunk of his life out of the awareness of everyone. read more »

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