Neural Gourmet Archives | Feed Your Brain
Neural Gourmet Archives | Feed Your BrainEvery year, when the Butterflys gather for the winter holiday known as Christmas, a hunt ensues for a plastic pile of shit hidden somewhere in the Christmas tree. My younger cousins, and now their children, keep up this tradition. They think it's some strange German/Russian thing. But the real story is tasteless and disturbing.read more »
Let me set the scene for you: your public high school started about a week ago, and you're in history class. The teacher begins talking about his religion. No, not talking about it, actually proselytizing for his religion. "“If you reject his [Jesus'] gift of salvation, then you know where you belong ... He did everything in his power to make sure that you could go to heaven, so much so that he took your sins on his own body, suffered your pains for you, and he’s saying, ‘Please, accept me, believe.’ If you reject that, you belong in hell.” read more »
The last time I went to Disneyland, I was a fresh high school graduate. It was 1990, and the Splash Mountain ride had just opened a few months earlier. My friend was excited to go, but I was 18 and world-weary. Oh boy, I said, a log ride. Whoop-de-doo. But she had accompanied me on the Haunted House ride AND Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, so we climbed into the log, and rolled through Song of The South. The flourescent paint and music were garish, but nothing too exciting. We wound our way through the ride, mocking the animatronic characters and their cheey songs as we went. We were just to the point of getting really bored when we saw a sign that said "Grins only from here on out" Cute. I leaned forward to say something sarcastic when suddenly it seemed we were launched down a five story building. My sarcastic comment stuck in my throat. My lips were pulled back by gravity and wind. I was, indeed, grinning. It was about twenty minutes after the ride before I could stand up without shaking.read more »
In the beginning, God was a badass. He created the heavens and the earth. He took away the legs of the snake just for being a smarty. He cursed all woman-kind with difficult labor and PMS because the first one got a little curious. He cursed all man-kind with the creation of work.
Yep, God was a regular hairy thunderer, as far as dieties go. He actually told Satan to fuck with his most faithful servent, Job, to settle a bet. Satan killed Job's wife and children and covered Job with boils. When Job complained, God told him to suck it up. So, I guess we can add "enormous asshole with a gambling problem" to his list of attributes. Love him or hate him, you couldn't really ignore him. The Egyptians did that, and not only did he afflict them with amphibians, he killed off their first born sons. In the end, all God really wanted was your fear and your respect. And, maybe the occasional animal sacrifice. You can ask Cain about that one. read more »
The presumption of religious belief - not to mention the contradictory thinking that so often accompanies it - does damage to conservativism by resting its claims on revealed truth. But on such truth there can be no agreement with faith. And a lot of us do not have such faith - nor do we need it to be conservative.
-- Heather McDonaldread more »
Our Cheif Executive Officer called me early Friday afternoon.
"Modem! How are you! Listen, you know that VP of Sales position we have open? Well do I have someone for us! She's a real killer, she's had big results everywhere she's been. I think she could give our sales team the shot in the arm they need. Hell, I think her influence will be good for the whole company!"
"Gee, Mr. Whitman, that's great," I said, trying not to sound like I was more interested in the upcoming weekend then I was in the job candidate.
"Yeah, but there's a couple of things, Modem. She's, well she's a little unorthodox,"
"Um... okay..."
"Yeah, but you know, she could be a really important player in our sales efforts. I'm not sure how we can win in 2006 without her. And the most important thing is that we don't let the competition get her! With someone like her on their side, we won't stand a chance,"
I didn't say anything. Sales had been flat at best. We definitely needed a winning strategy.
"Yeah, I'm bringing her down there on Monday. She wants to meet the WHOLE team, Customer Support, Operations, IT, Accounting, the whole group! She's really going to shake things up Modem, I mean really get people out of their comfort zones!read more »
Finally, absolute proof that religious conservatives are utterly humorlous and incapable of understanding satire...
Cold-blooded murder, as documented by The Onion
I was driving to work Friday morning when I got cut off by an old rattle trap. We're talking a mint-condition Ford POS. This in and of itself isn't noteworthy. But what really caught my eye was the temporary "dealer tag" on the back of the car.
(stylized Jesus fish logo here)
www.christianautobrokers.com read more »
"It's not polite to talk about politics or religion at a social gathering. Politics and religion are like sex and death- you only talk about them when you absolutely must and never at the same time," - Modem Butterfly's mother, 1980.read more »
My partner sent this to me yesterday. I can't stop laughing. Check this out for yourselves:
America is a nation built from, by, and on the backs of immigrants. This is the story of my great-grandfather and his people, an immigrant population that steadfastly refused to assimilate into the majority culture twice.read more »
My folks are the type of people who send along almost every mass e-mail they get. I should consider myself fortunate, I suppose, that they are liberal atheists and not conservative religious types, or else my in box would be overflowing. Anyway, I usually read the e-mail and delete them, but I found this one really interesting...
A Bit of Information
On Wednesday of this week, at two minutes and three seconds after one in the morning, the time and the date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.
That won't happen, ever again.
You may now return to your normal (?) life.
GREP new girlfriend? (YES/NO)
THROW dishes? (YES/NO/YES, VERY HARD)
CHANGE phonenumber/address? (FAST/FASTER)
My partner sent me this gem. This is one of those items whose description would not do justice. Check it out and be sure to read the comments.
Just another example of the non-existant bigotry and discrimination that atheists face every day. Or rather, don't face, in this most benevolent of religious cultures. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.read more »
Ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, it is time we atheists organized.read more »
This is the reason I haven't posted much on NG for the last several days. Or done much housework. Or walked my pets as regularly as I should. Or talked to my partner...read more »
